omg i freaking busy today. just got some time to rest. zzz.

i tried to smile (and act friendly) on my way home ytd

1. it was merely 45 mins
2. i was only smiling slightly
3. i look retarded
4. i was damn tired

im not going to try this anymore. fullstop. smiling is so damn tiring.

yay. tomorrow is off day! wahoo. ok la cos its a public holiday. lol. and im going to thailand (bangkok) from saturday to thursday! heh heh. and i took leave on friday. so i have a long long long break. im so excited right now. wahoo.

agenda in thailand:

1. shopping
2. eating GOOD food
3. spa & massage (hopefully)

hahahha. i am already thinking of what to buy in thailand. shall only think of u all if i got the extra time bah. hohoho! -> i will really feel like santa if i buy lotsa presents. or maye i will keep until christmas then treat it as christmas present bah. hmmmm. then i should stay at home. then can use everything myself. WAHAHAH. unless got people want to celebrate christmas with me lo.

[edit] i just realised my last para got no obvious link and its damn random. thats what you get when i do too much work and cant think properly.

i had a lot to say just now. but i cant think of anything right now. damn.

alot of people keep asking me this same question. but i really dont know the answer. is it in my control? maybe partly. maybe not. i dont want it to be. not that i want it to come true. but i just want these questions to stop. and to enjoy the moments. im not expecting too much right? i hope not. yes, definitely not. or perhaps, it is a blessing in disguise. i've been enjoying my life until now. or am i?

i feel accomplished.
91 90 91! hoho. never include some dead ones though. maybe will reach 100 if include everything. hehe!

Change.

I used to hate change. Because change requires adaptation and it introduces some form of remoteness. And I am scared.
But somehow, I think I've changed. So, I must change my view about change. Or else, I will have to hate myself.
Am I changing becos of my environment? Am I becoming someone I dont even know? Or am I just revealing the me who I secretly hide under my mask?
Sometimes change makes us grow and see things that we previously didnt. But I am afraid that I will lose friends who prefer my previous self. I am scared. Very scared.

I have a sudden thought. Will I regret anything if I die tomorrow? Or now? Anything is possible right. So I am also in danger. I think I will. But I can only blame it on myself. Although I know I regret not doing something, I will still not do it. My face is more improtant than my regrets.

Sometimes I think my public self is so much more likable than myself. So much so that I forgot how I am actually like. That's why I like to stone. Stoning allows me to think about what I will really do (if I can forget about my public self) about some stuff which happened. Sometimes I am jealous of the public me, for being so brave. Maybe I have turned into a fusion. The publate (publ(ic) + (priv)ate) me is invincible. MUAHAHAHHA!

damn. i hate emo posts. but i dont know why im like this today. zzz. emoing made me sot sot already. yay! wahoo! whee! hooray! yahoooooo~ (copies msn sound) -.-

/edit
after reading it, i realised that it doesnt even sound like me. lol.

november is a busy month for me! i got like no time to rest and watch dramas. even during wkns. -.-

1st week: slackest week of the month. cos i still got some time to watch dramas while panicking for OP.
1st wkn: practise OP. enough to occupy me for 2 days.
2nd week: OP ends! rejoice. then i started to work + outing with BB gang + prepare for panti + nyny with the usual 10(iris, ningyi, xiangyun, shiyuan, jaslin, christopher, boonping, clivia, shaun, me)  + 2 extras(olivia, jesslynwinata) haha.
2nd wkn: panti. torture + cold for 2 days
3rd week: work + 5h chalet
3rd wkn: sleepover + odac bbq
4th week: (now) work. -.- i dont think have any more plans but need to pack my luggage.
4th wkn: thailand! woo~ i think it will be the most enjoyable wkn. haha! get to shop n eat. heh heh.

sianz. no time to rest this month. i hope it will be better in dec. feels quite bad that i will have to skip the odac cip becos of work. but then i cant really take leave also cos got impt stuff to do in that wk.. haiz.

abt my wkns!

saturday + sunday combined cos its weird to stop my story halfway:
sleepover at chrissy's house! iris, ningyi, xiangyun, christopher, boonping, clivia, shaun, me. too bad we didnt have the full shi2 quan2 shi2 mei3 gang. haha!
went to yew tee to give ningyi her collage 1st. we wanted to use the express closet way to travel to chrissy's house but they didnt allow. =( so we mrt-ed there.
it was like a mahjong camp. lol! play mahjong non-stop. but heng got like 6 players so can rotate. 1st time we so hardcore play with money sia. luckily i didnt play for the 1st round. (1 round = dong + nan + xi + bei) cos the losses are like the most major ones. but maybe i play then i win leh? haha. nvm. cos i was busy catching up with my dramas released last week. finally watched finished. but this week got more. lmao.
so after that we ate pasta for dinner. (chrissy treat us one. 1st time leh. HAHA) and continued playing. in total i won abt $2+ cos play with all the pros cant really lose much/win much one la. unless super sway/lucky. we ate pasta again for supper (feels like 2nd round of dinner) cos we were too hungry while watching wo cai.
shifted into the room to play but we were bored quite soon. ohya. watched gongxinji 23+24 too. going to end soon. and more climax are coming up! yay. after that we lie on the floor/bed and attempted to play truth or truth. but nobody wants to play. =( and it was like 5am already. haha! then i fell asleep. some of them woke up at 730 by ningyi n boonping's stares but being a deep and heck-care-about-surroundings sleeper (not slipper) i continued to sleep until 8+. haha! luckily i slept for like 15 hrs the night before, so i dont feel so tired.
went for breakfast but ningyi went home. by the conventional  bus+mrt way cos she doesnt want to arouse our suspicion. after that, we obviously went to do our favourite activity/hobby once again. shared the game with bp and he was quite sway for the past few rounds. but i sub him at the end and i was quite lucky so i fan ben n even won some monehh. hoho.
after that we played abit of no money no stress games and we became mad. haha! keep scolding each other and very pek cek. (in a serious but joking manner) was super high too! must be the lack of sleep. haha. but it was quite funny.
went home to bathe n change clothes n pack my stuff. i was quite dumb cos actually i brought clothes to chrissy's house to change after bathing but i forgot to bring a towel. -.-  i speed did everything and left the house in about 1hr. not bad for me liao. considering he fact that i usually bathe for 1hr. haha.
went to visit my great grandma at yishun. i think my hokkien improved. haha! cos she keep talking to me then i still can reply some. now damn stressed cos she knw i work liao then my mum conveniently suggested that i buy something for her to eat when i get my pay. so my great grandma will go announce to the whole world! (i mean whole super extended family or anyone who comes to visit her) if i never buy arh, comfirm got bad record. lol! i must go search for some nice food to buy liao. skali not nice i also will tio flame. haha!
after that i went to buy wine for odac bbq. and i reached there too early again! damn. so i went to start the fire with yuchong. my plan was to reach there abit later so i dont have to set the fire. in the end the fire was too big n strong. haha! have to keep splashing water so that the food dont get burnt. but it was quite fun la. i think this time round got less people than the previous bbq but this time we never take pictures! so sad. the red wine was nice. but i think the one i bought to 5h chalet was nicer. drank some then abit headache liao. iris n clivia drank alot. -.- n clivia's whole face + neck was red. lol. i think we are turning to alcoholics soon. i think the 2 bottles i bought should be finished bah. when i left at abt 9+, only left half bottle. lol.
went to pass jaslin my never-worn-before-and-its-too-short-baby pink qipao cos she needs it for some cultural night thingy. lol. i also dont know why i still keep. it was supposedly for my aunt's wedding and im supposed to wear it with her but i didnt in the end. haha.

aiyo i see the long para i also sian diao liao.
i wan sleeeeep! i was so tired i went to nap in the toilet. oops. you didnt see anything.